so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
