Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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