when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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