New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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