Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
