Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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