ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
