so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Who died my cat blue again?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
