I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
