their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
