I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
