Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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