funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
