it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
