i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
