So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
