She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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