whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
