Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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