The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
