why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
