he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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