i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
