It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
