I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
