I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
