Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is the prime rib incident all over again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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