I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
