You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
