I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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