i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
