We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
