Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
