Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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