I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
