i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
