instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
