So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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