So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Boobs are out for the taking
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
