I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
