i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like abortions should bother me more
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
