My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
