dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
