he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
