She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
