Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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