The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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