So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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