It's Friday. Sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
