I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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