Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
