Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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