apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
