i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
