I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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