I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
