Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
