I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
