a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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