either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
