he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she peed on how many people?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
